NostraBlogAss

2008-06-09T10:21:00.000-04:00

My feelings EXACTLY!

2008-06-08T12:07:00.002-04:00

I'm not sure...but I MIGHT BE BACK...

I've missed the writing..the staying awake half the night thinking of things to type..the chuckles to myself.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

2007-10-30T20:00:00.004-04:00

The crazies finally did it!

A couple of them conspired to burn the old Sunova Beach Dimensha Clinic to the ground.

In its place good ol' G. W. Bush built a brand new Sunova Beach Goiter Clinic... Nice building, huh?...The only facility like it in the whole... wide.. .world(!!!)... right here... in Sunova Beach. I can't say the residents do anything for the view...

2007-08-07T14:21:00.001-04:00

your wait is almost over...

It returns on September 29th at 9:30 EST

2007-08-04T10:22:00.006-04:00

When the dust settles, and we look back on his administration, I'll bet we find ol' G.W. was the dumbest, most corrupt, President in history...

I've found the worlds best coffee maker

It uses little "pods" for single cup perfection.

I didn't sleep at all last night...

A deadly combination of meds and too much thinking--go figure.

2006-07-11T13:19:00.000-04:00

It's about damn time....
Some bastard passed out a virus last night...that Norton hasn't figured out yet. So my 15-inch HP is on the shelf for the moment and I'm "forced" to use the 12-inch--which is a whole lot easier to type on. So I guess I'm really back this time.

Not having thought "blog" for the past few months I thought I'd just let you see this nice Florida beach scene.

Enjoy...

2006-05-16T13:55:00.000-04:00

well it looks like Blogger doesn't want to post photos today...

Crapola!

There's a big Boston Legal season finale tonight at 10:00 on ABC. Don't miss it!

Spent the morning at the VA. Ten minutes for blood work and an hour and a half getting medical records.

I deserve a nap.

2006-05-15T11:00:00.000-04:00

Well...I've had a rude welcome back to the intenet...some sumbitch is using me debit card to run up some on-line purchases.

Not to worry...I've got the SunTrust cops on the case.

Life begins at 10:00 tonight

You've got a choice...

or...

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. “You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, he said, “You are obsessed with eating. You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second mom. “Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, let’s go.

2006-05-14T11:18:00.000-04:00

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a
University of Washington chemistry mid-term.

The answer by one student was so “profound” that the
professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet,
which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of
enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs
using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats
when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First! , we need to know how the mass of Hell is
changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which
souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they
are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that
once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls
are entering Hell, let’s look at the different
religions that exist in the world today. Most of these
religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that
all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as
they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to
increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of
change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law
states that in order for the temperature and pressure
in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to
expand proport! ionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate
at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and
pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the
increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and
pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa
during my Freshman year that, “It will be a cold day
in Hell before I sleep with you,” and take into
account the fact that I slept with her last night,
then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that
Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen
over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore, extinct……leaving only
Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine
being which expl! ains why, last night, Teresa kept
shouting “Oh my God.”

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY “A”

2006-05-13T09:34:00.000-04:00

Now I'm really back...
I've spent the last few days looking at Sydney Moon pictures...and I feel a whole lot better

Now to begin thinking about blogging again...

2006-05-04T15:53:00.000-04:00

Been one sick dude, sport fans. I was in the horsepital for 16 days and in rehab for 22 days...but I'm back. One problem... now I'm the "gimp with the limp"...my second leg was amputated, but not the same length as my first. And the I had to wait for my Hewlett Crapard laptop to get back from it's third trip back to the factory.

2006-01-26T10:29:00.000-05:00

Oh, do I have a weekend of television viewing for you...

First there's...
The Rolex 24 from Daytona. I think it starts at noon Saturday. I kind of have a special attachment to one of the cars in this race. Years ago I used to house-sit for one of the founders of Sun Banks in Orlando...which has grown and merged, and grown and merged and is now Sun Trust Banks. Sun Trust now holds all my money... And Sun Trust is the sponsor of the #10 car (which is also driven by Wayne Taylor of Altamonte Springs which is just down the road from Sunova Beach).

Go 10!

Then there's...
The Discovery Cannel is doing a bit on the building of that mega dam in China. Saturday night at 9:00 or 10:00.

And finally...
The Food Channel is doing the making of Iron Chef America at 9:00 Sunday night. Alton Brown is the host and he alone is worth the hour's watch.

2006-01-25T08:54:00.000-05:00

This is the new Nissan Micra...
It looks like one of those Matchbox cars. I just can't see one of these things rollin' down the Interstate 'long side SUVs, CUVs, and normal cars being driven by normal people. At least it looks like it might slide under a semi-trailor body without being damaged.

Not a good idea for American highways...Golf courses maybe...but not on the highways.

Steve, of HogOnIce fame, sounds like he's gonna quit blogging. That's a bummer. He's one of my daily reads. He wrote again today, but check out yesterday's post for his reasoning being his desire to quit. If you feel like I do, and will miss him...why not write a comment telling him how much you need him, his daily posts, and how you'll sell you computer)and buy a Nissan Micro [goodbye cruel world]) if he quits.

2006-01-24T11:15:00.000-05:00

Today is media day...

Sadness...
NBC has announced the end of The West Wing, one of my all time favorites. I've got to admit the storyline has suffered in the last year, and the recent death of John Spenser made me sad.

Howard takes it in the poopshute
Howard runs to Sirius radio to get away from the censorship of the FCC and now his own company is gunning to tone him down. He's already on a 20-second tape delay and they're writing some new rules to guide him.

Couldn't happen to a nicer guy.

2006-01-23T11:29:00.000-05:00

Check this out.
They're bringing Friends back. I kid you not! It may be only 4 one hour specials...but they're bringing it back! Now to get NBC to bring back Sienfeld...

Check out your next hooker before layin' down some cash. BigDoggie.net allows you to do that. It's also probably a good idea to check out your next date to make sure she's not listed, or if she is, how much your 15-minute "date" is gonna cost.

Chocolate ciy my ass....

2006-01-22T09:32:00.000-05:00

Today, it's all about competition...

Here's one that I'd stand a chance of winning...

...the Krispy Kreme Challenge that involves running 4-miles and eating a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts. Read about it here.

2006-01-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

This sucks the big one...
Belgian-based Herstal Group told its 186 workers this week it plans to shutter the U.S. Repeating Arms plant, formerly known as Winchester Rifle Company, on March 31 due to slow sales.

Read that again...slowly...

"Belgian-based Herstal Group told its 186 workers this week it plans to shutter the U.S. Repeating Arms plant, formerly known as Winchester Rifle Company, on March 31 due to slow sales."

When I first read it it made me sad to know that the ol' Remington Rifle Company was shutting it doors in New Haven, Conn after 140 years.. Then I realized Remington went down the tubes when those waffle heads bought the firm.

So much for winning the west...

If that isn't enough to piss you off...
The Chinese are getting ready to bring their "Geely" (or "Crap-ola) to the states in 2007-08. Made by workers earning $3.00 per hour it's probably going to cost less than $10,000.

That's gonna be some kind of competition for our Ford and GM gas guzzlers that are pieced together by workers earning an average of $29.00 per hour.

I read in one article that GM is already a player in the Chinese auto market...making mini-vans there with workers that are paid $60.00 per month that sell for less than $5000 USD.

Sell you GM stock now...

2006-01-20T12:04:00.000-05:00

Oh happy day!
Hewlett Packard finally got my notebook back to me. It only took 8 more days than they originally predicted. They upgraded the BIOS and left the rest of the stuff alone.

I'm a happy camper...

This ain't your Mother's...
...Ford Fairlane. But the morons at Ford are hoping this pig-ugly Fairlane will save their near bankrupt corporate ass.

2006-01-05T11:00:00.000-05:00

Those sons-a-bitches in Congress...

...voted that the TV industry must switch from analog to digital broadcasting on February 17, 2009. That puts my Philco (and the set you're probably watching) in the crapper. 70 million sets become paperweights on that date.

Bummer...

And not only are those rat-bastards making you spend you own money...

...look what they're doing with your tax dollars...

<~~ early test model.

"The US military is probing the possibility of Captain Kirk-style “warp speed” using a concept called hyperdrive."

Read about it here.

2006-01-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

Shame on you Hewlett Packard

My "new" ZD8000 notebook has crashed again....same trouble with the touchpad....I tell them the curser is hung up in the middle of the screen and they send me a full page of things to do--all of which require movement of the curser.

Last time, two weeks after I bought the thing, they had to replace the whole thing...

Thanks HP!

2006-01-03T09:54:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year...

...to you and yours.

Camilla Parker Bowles is a pant-load...

Just check out how much it's gonna cost to keep her in shoes and feed. That's almost a million bucks per year, folks.

I don't know why I care... that's probably just gas money for Air Force One.

If you're running a Windows Operating System shipped shince 1990...you need to read this! Sounds like Microsoft left a hole in their programs that you could drive a truck through. Here's all the shit that's fit to print about Microsoft.

Man of the year my ass...

2005-12-27T10:34:00.000-05:00

Dubya gives finger to his Justice Department...

Government records show that the administration was encountering unprecedented second-guessing by the secret federal surveillance court when President Bush decided to bypass the panel and order surveillance of U.S.-based terror suspects without the court's approval. Don't believe me? Read about it here.

Way to go U.N....

A year ago there were two State Department bloggers who where highly critical of the U.N.'s tsunami relief efforts. Looks like they were spot on. It seems like a third of the relief money is getting stuffed into the U.N's own pockets. Grab a barf bag and go read about it.

2005-12-20T12:40:00.000-05:00

Today it's all good news...

First there's Marisa Miller...
...the new lust of my life.

Then there's Snoopgate...

Take a look at this Newsweek article. Looks like Dubya is getting desperate. I wonder if there's a book on Watergate, written at the 3rd grade level, that Dubya could understand. There are lessons to be learned Georgie. Better not cry, better not pout...if the Dems win in '06...your butt's gonna be out.

2005-12-19T10:50:00.000-05:00

Dear Friends,

I wanted to send out some sort of holiday greeting to my friends, but
it is so difficult in today’s world to know exactly what to say without
offending someone. So I met with my attorney today, and on his advice
(and after $1,200. in attorneys fees) I wish to say the following:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes
for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress,
nonaddictive gender neutral, celebration of the winter solstice
holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the
religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your
choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or
traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or
secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2005, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make America great (not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country or is the only “AMERICA” in
the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color,
age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual preference of the
wishes.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms: This
greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no
promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted
to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for
a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday
greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement
of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the
wisher…

Disclaimer: No trees were harmed in the sending of this message,
however, a significant number of electrons were inconvenienced.

2005-12-17T11:43:00.000-05:00

Here's your 2005 NORAD Santa Tracking link.

I think I'm in love (all over again).

With rumors of some topless photos circulating everywhere on the net except my blog, Jennifer Anniston has indicated she might just be willing to fulfill my ultimate dream. The only hint I'll give you is this quote:

"Well, I might as well pull my pants down at this point, since they've seen everything else."

Don't believe me? Read about it here and here.

I'm tellin' ya...

...the current state of the Bush administration has the strong odor of Richard M. Nixon's last days in the White House. Remember Nixon's "I am not a crook" speech? Today you got Bush's version in this speech to the American people.

2005-12-16T11:58:00.000-05:00

From the G. W. Bush Toy Collection

I was watching one of Dubya's Iraq speeches last week and I came to the realization that not a single word that came out of his mouth was his own. He read every word. Someone else wrote every word for him. Dubya ain't the brightest light on the Christmas tree.

On day that the United States invaded Iraq, President Bush said that we were doing so “reluctantly” but that “our purpose was clear” — to get rid of Saddam’s “weapons of mass murder.” (Note: Bush did not say “purposes.” According to Bush, there was only one purpose.)

Two days ago, now that the existance of WMD's had been disproved,on Brit Hume, he said he would have invaded even if he knew there were no weapons of mass destruction. Would have been nice if he’d mentioned this earlier.

And today there's the news that Bush secretly appoved use of National Security Agency assets against American citizens. Legally--spying on American citizens is the responsibility of the FBI (and that limitation came about as a result of Nixon's abuse).

Bush is running amuck, my friends. If he keeps going at this rate he's going to make Nixon look like a piker. The only difference between the two will be that Nixon (kinda) ended a war and Bush (surely) started one.

Think about it, sportsfans...

Nixon had his H.R. Haldeman...Bush has his Karl Rove

Nxon had his John Dean...........Bush is saddled with Scooter Libby

Nixon had Donald Rumsfeld in several rolls...Bush has the same dude as his Secretary-O-War.

Both had/have wives that were/are nicer than they were/are.

Both had/have one hot daughter and one not-so-hot daughter.

Nixon used 5 men to invade Democratic Headquarters in the Watergate building...Bush used 260,000 men to invade Iraq.

Both, Nixon and Bush, have lied to the American people....

If Bush continues to play fast and loose with the American people he's gonna get is own ass impeached.

2005-12-15T18:04:00.000-05:00

This is Kelly Key

She's a Brazilian singer.

Check your compatibility with her..
Match yourself with Kelly Key

2005-12-15T12:47:00.000-05:00

Click to enlarge...

Blogger is driving me crazy...

It has become incredibly slow...too slow. I'm gonna look into another host for this operation.

Hey! Here's your FEMA dollars at work.

Superdome repair checklist:

* New suites for the fat cats.
* New meeting rooms for FEMA money distribution decisions.
* New outside windows to keep an eye on the poor to make sure they don't storm the joint.
* Buy 53,000 square feet of new carpet for the homeless to sleep on.
* New football turf for the homelss to sleep on.
* New scoreboard to keep accurate count of rapes and murders when Superdome used as shelter.
* New entrances for the suites to avoid stumbling over poor and homeless during emergency situation.

While reading about this, don't throw up until you get to the phrase, "there are no plans to upgrade the building as a shelter in the proposed work because there is no money for it."

And for those 25,000-30,000 of you who used the Superdome as shelter during this past hurricane season, you'll be overjoyed to know:

"During hurricane season next year the Superdome will be a construction site."

I could puke!

Sounds like Mike Brown is still in charge.

And now for the good news.

Michael Waltrip's got himself a new number: 55. Your Waltrip NAPA hats will still be good. Get ready to get a Toyota hat in'07 when Michael gets his own 2-car team.

Deck the halls with...

Holy crap Batman!

Boy, this adds new meaning to the phrase: "'tis the season to be jolly."

Nice tree, huh?

The tree behind the naked young woman.

The tree behind the naked young woman with the gorgeous rear end.

Fa la la la la

2005-12-08T11:19:00.000-05:00

Ohhhhhhhhh Shit!

Look at what the weather nerds are predicting for 2006. Worse that 2005? I didn't think that would be possible.

10 reasons to drink during the holidays

• You can tolerate your in-laws
• Beer goggles -- who said the holidays have to be lonely?
• Why eat your calories when you can drink them?
• You give the best gift...alcohol
• New Year's resolutions seem attainable when you're drunk
• You love everyone...and everyone loves you
• Be the funny guy at the party
• Drinking in winter means staying warm...or at least feeling like you are
• You bring spirit to the occasion, literally
• The holidays go by much quicker

2005-12-06T12:34:00.000-05:00

Let's take a moment for some Bible study

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

The bonehead...

...who's been stealing Salvation Army kettles may have stolen one too many, flipped his car, and slid into 4-feet of water. Diagnosis: Dead!

There is a God, boys and girls.

2005-12-05T10:42:00.000-05:00

The amazing candle alarm...

I don't know how much of this I can take

Saddam's trial is making me sick...and it's just about the only thing the cable news folks can talk about.

Got Bird Flu?

According to 60-minutes last night, fewer than 100 people have died from Bird Flu--Worldwide! And approximately 30,000 people die from the regular flu each year--in the US alone!

2005-12-04T12:32:00.000-05:00

2005-12-02T12:21:00.000-05:00

The debate of political correctness of a "Christmas" season versus a "Holiday" season really pisses me off. And now the White House lights up an ugly-assed tree that seems to promote the "Holiday" concept, cause it sure doesn't look like a "Christmas" tree to me...my first view of it was in the middle of last night when it appeared to be all white.

Now this is a Christmas display...

It is titled: "Leroy, the Redneck Christmas." Now that's the Chistmas spirit.

Be careful what you wish for...

It is being reported that CBS is courting Katie Couris to be the next anchor of CBS Evening News. At least Dan Rather had some field experience reporting on something other than chocolate cream pie. Edward R. Murrow has got to be spinning in his grave. And Walter Cronkite probably wishes he was in his (grave). I'm not sure if CBS is considering changing the name of the CBS Evening News to the CBS Fluff News.

2005-11-28T10:18:00.000-05:00

This is the Bugatti Veryon...

It goes from 0-60 in less than 3 seconds and costs a cool 1.4 mil.

The face only a Mother could love...

Sam, pictured here in happier times, is dead--just short of his 15th birthday. He had won a Californain ugly dog contest three years in a row.

2005-11-26T14:03:00.000-05:00

If you watch and believe these clowns...

You've as stupid as they are...

During the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade the M&M's balloon knocked a street light off it's post--"boinking" two girls on the head. Rather than show you real life, the Today Show crew stuck to their script and you were shown last year's videotape of the M&M's float. Read about it hereand here.

There ought to be a special place in hell for TV people who do stuff like this to us.

I love Cherry Kool-Aid...

...I could, like, drink the stuff.

2005-11-25T17:33:00.000-05:00

A coupla weeks ago...

I told you about KFC shutting down it's chicken stores so they could convert them to Kentucky Fried Fish... Then I told you about all of the chicken excrement that was being dumped into the river that supplied a lot of the fish.

Now McDonald's is looking to outsource it's fish supply for Filet-O-Fish worldwide...to an outfit from Vietnam. Read it here if you don't believe me...

Why do I get the feeling I'm the only person who sees the train wreck that's about to happen.?

If you're a moron...here's a moron (Mike Brown) who says he can help you with your disaster preparedness plans.

He did so much for Nawlins...just think of what he could do for you.

2005-11-23T12:30:00.000-05:00

The rest of today's post is devoted to women...

First the good...

This is Michelle Wie. She's a professional golfer. She's playing in a men's tournament in Japan this week. She's 16. She's also getting a reported 1.5 million dollars for just showing up at the tournament. Hell, I'd show up for cab fare.

Then the bad...the very bad...

This is Debra LaFave. She's been naughty. She had sex with a 14-year old boy (lucky kid!). She was charged, and yesterday she pleaded guilty. She got some house arrest and some probation--no jail time. The Smoking Gun has the scoop on her arrest.

The very pretty...

This is Phylicia Rashad. She spells her first name funny. She is very pretty. She's the only reason I let the Cosby Show run during lunch.

The ugly...

This is Oprah Winfree. Oprah is usually fat. Oprah is the richest woman on the planet. (I'm eating a "fully involved" Italian sub from Firehouse Subs. It is very good.) Oprah makes most of her money taking kick-backs from the books she recommends...and from the diets she promotes.

On December 1st she's going to end her boycot of David Letterman's show. She'll be promoting her play which is opening on Broadway that night. She'll be gitting a kick-back from every ticket sold.

I've never watched a a complete Oprah show...I start retching after about 5-minutes of her sappy sweetness.

And then there's paradise lost...

This is Danica Patrick. She drives race cars. She drives race cars very fast. She drives race cars very fast for Rahal-Letterman. That's "Letterman" as in "David." She got married this past weekend. I hate her new husband.

2005-11-22T11:49:00.000-05:00

Parts manufacturer, Delphi, has announced the layoff of 23,000 employees. Yesterday, Delphi's former parent company, General Motors, announced the layoff of 30,000 employees. That's 53,000 human beings thrown into the ecomonic shitcan. Gonna be a cold Christmas.
I like Heath bars...though they don't taste as good as they used to.

They used to say...

...the government would spend money as fast as it could print it. That was then... I suspect they're spending it faster than they can print it now. With the war in Iraq costing hundreds of billions of dollars a year...with hurricane relief spending at about the same rate...throw in those airlines that are declaring bankruptcy and turning pension responsibilities for their retirees over to the feds, you gotta ask when is somebody going to total all this spending up and say no more!

There's an interview with Mike Brown, former FEMA head, tonight....I think it's on NBC. He's gonna confirm he's an idiot.

It's also Boston Legal night over at ABC at 10:00.

2005-11-21T10:06:00.000-05:00

Check this out...

The folks over at The Morgan Quanto Awards have a habit of ranking the most dangerous cities in the US. Camden, Jersey is on the verge of retiring the most dangerous trophey.
When the metropolitan areas are ranked Logan, UT is first, but check this out...

2nd: Fond du Lac, Wis (teenage home of Joan "What-a-Body" Schiebach)
4th: Appleton, Wis. (coaching origin of Torchy Clark)
5th: Sheboygan, Wis. (home of great bratwurst)
7th: La Crosse, Wis. (home of Special Export beer)
8th: Neenah-Oshkosh, Wis. (where I grew up [Neenah], and where I went to school for awhile [Oshkosh])
11th: Eau Clare, Wis. (where my sister went to school)
18th: Wausau, Wis. (where I was born)

Yes, I'm a Yankee by birth (but a Rebel by choice).

Suprisingly, West Palm Beach, FL, was ranked right behind Camden as the most dangerous city with a population of 77,000 to 99,000...while Miami Beach, FL was #8 in that category. I thought both of those Florida cities were filled with rich ol' retirees.

Where has all the fun news gone?

Every morning, before I write this, I check out Fark and Drudge for inspiration. More and more I'm coming up dry. There just isn't any fun going on in the world. Suicide bombers are blowing themselves (and others) up...and Paris Hilton is doing something else stupid. That's about it.

At least tropical storm Gumba has fizzled oout [sic] (that's for all my Canadian readers--both of them)

Want a nice t-shirt that may also make a statement.

Check out Infidel Tees They're good folks over there. Honest to a fault. Give 'em a try. (I had ordered two t-shirts that hadn't arrived after two-months of waiting--one e-mail and I had my shirts...I was a happy camper and totally impressed with their operation).

2005-11-19T10:00:00.000-05:00

Geez, not again?

Well, we got ourselves tropical storm Gumba. Another potential South Florida hit...and a few days of rain for Sunova Beach. I'm lookin' forward to 2006.

How 'bout your United States House of Representatives?

Workin' after hours last night and fightin' like a bunch of school kids. The "cut and run" democrats took one in the shorts. It's gotta make you proud.

The only thing that would make me prouder would be for the fight to carry over into the Senate and for some young upstart to harpoon Teddy Kennedy.

Some of that Wal-Mart money is being recycled...

...or so it would seem. Looks like China is gonna buy 70 Boeing 737s.

2005-11-18T11:10:00.000-05:00

I told ya so...

A coupla weeks ago I told you this CIA leak case was starting to smell more and more like Watergate...then I figured Skippy Libby would play the role of John Dean.

Now Bob Woodward has had his pure white ass dragged into the mess, but this time it appears he's holin' on to the dirty end of the stick. I'll bet he still uses Don Rumsfeld as his Deep Throat this time.

Wanna bet?

Kurt Bush is a dick-headed douchebag

Got himself a season-ending suspension for mouthing off to some Arizona deputies. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy. Rodger Penske has been a hero of mine since I saw him race at Road America back in the 60's. Now Rodger is stuck with this rat-bastard...but it will result in a "Busch" pitchin' Miller beer products. I guess that's okay.

Me?

I'm stickin' with Michael Waltrip. This final year with DEI has been a crapfest but next year he moves to Bill Davis Racing as something like a co-owner. NAPA and Aaron's Rents are going with him. In '07 he'll be ownin' two (2) Nextel Cup Toyotas.

Last night I had Thanksgiving Dinner over at the Sunova Beach Dementia Clinic.

It was the worst Thanksgiving meal I've ever had...and there have been years when Swanson's and I shared a meal. Last night we had PULLED turkey. What is "pulled" turkey, you ask? Well, you take some regular turkey meat and pull it into little strips that pile up and make themselves look like more than they are. The green bean "casserole" was a glob of turkey gravey, some bread crumbs and some canned green beans. The "stuffing" had a metalic taste and was inedible.

And to add to the fine dining experience, we were supposed to eat at 5:00 pm...they began serving at 5:55 pm. By then, everything was as cold as the Jell-o.

It must be a Ted Danson "thing"

First it was Cheers, now it's Becker...I'm watching re-runs for the second or third time.

2005-11-17T10:47:00.000-05:00

Well, the kid has gone and done it this time...

GI Chris is enjoying his first day in... ...FreezYourAssOff, Germany.

Well, he's actually at an Army base outside of Stuttgart.

You'll see this sign before I ever see snow again...

My true love...

...Esther Wilberforce-Packard is a hoot today over at Topic Drift.

Blogger just took a big dump on half of this post (that I'm too lazy to do over).

Damn!

2005-11-16T14:39:00.000-05:00

aaaaaaah!

2005-11-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

Major oil companies are fighting...

...the new "honest" gas guage.

There really is something called "Dead in Bed Syndrome"...and it doesn't involve the performance of ex-wives or ex-husbands.

I was surprised too...

Meanwhile...

...over at the Sunova Beach Dementia Clinic they're preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving this Thursday (that's right, the 17th). One of the most frequently used reality checks is, "what day is it." Celebrating Thanksgiving early ought to keep things pretty screwed up until Christmas (which will be celebrated on December 3rd at the Clinic). Valentine's Day will be celebrated on March 3rd, and the 4th of July will be sometime in June.

You gotta love those crazies...

2005-11-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

My ISP crapped out on me for two days...

It wasa "controlled" crapout...they turned off the phone lines and all I got fot two days was a busy signal. As a retiree from this joint I get the ISP service for free, so I guess I won't complain (too much).

I've got me one of them George Foreman Grills and I've got to admit it does a pretty good job on a tender piece of beef. Not as good a charcoal, mind you, but pretty good just the same.

2005-11-10T10:10:00.000-05:00

Who's afraid of Virginia Wolf?

You know why nobody's getting too worked up over this "bird" flu? The name isn't scarey enough. Like who in the hell is afraid of a stinkin' little bird? Nobody! Cripes, calling it "rooster" flu would be a step in the right direction. Or "vulture" flu...or, "condor" flu... Maybe people would sit up and take notice.
On the other hand...

Canadian Environmental Defence tested the blood and urine samples of 11 men and women volunteers, including wildlife artist Robert Bateman. A total of 88 chemicals, including PCBs, flame retardants and insecticides, were found. Lab tests showed a total of 60 chemicals, with an average of 44 found in each volunteer, some in trace amounts. The contaminants include suspected carcinogens and chemicals that may cause reproductive disorders, harm the development of children, disrupt hormone systems or are associated with respiratory illnesses.

Maybe we should call it "Canadian" flu? A couple of years ago we had the Asian flu...what's so special about Canadians that we can't name a dreadful disease after them.

Make your reservations now...

Before the dump gets filled up or blown up.

Afghan President Hamid Karzai attended the opening of the capital's first five-star hotel on Tuesday, leaving his sick bed to mark the occasion.

The Kabul Serena Hotel has been built at a cost of $36.5 million by the Aga Khan Fund for Economic Development, an international development agency promoting private sector entrepreneurship.

The 177-room, three-storey hotel is close to Karzai's heavily fortified presidential palace in the heart of the battle-scared capital, Kabul. The hotel has a large swimming pool, a health club, a pastry shop and two restaurants. Its rooms cost from $250 to $1,200 a night for the presidential suite, in a city where the average salary for a civil servant is about $20 per month.

2005-11-09T09:36:00.000-05:00

According to the French cheese-eating surrender monkey...

...the French govenment is considering using the military to end the riots that have spread throughout the country. The only think holding them back is the real fear the military will surrender once again.

I'm not makin' this up...

Ya'll know I've complained about Harriet Miers credentials before...it scares the hell out of me that a person, with such limited credentials, sits at the right hand, and advises the most powerful man in the world. Well, get ready for this--she's running the remedial ethics classes for the White House staff. With pictures of the secret "black" prisons running on the internet and no one in the Bush administration willing to either confirm or deny their existence...the woman has her work cut out for her.

As usual, there's a little good and there's a little bad...

First, the good news...

Connie Chung is coming back to TV. I've always been a fan--if for no other reason than she's easy on the eyes.

Then there's the bad...

She's draggin' her husband, Maury the Povich along with her. I used to like him...a long time ago but lost all respect for the Povich name with the current load of crap he calles a TV show. Lie detector this, lie detector that...is she a man or a woman kind of crap...

"and now, back for her 13th visit to the show Brenda Sue tries to find the husband of her 3rd child born out of wedlock--this time we'll give Branden a paternity test to find out..."

Chung-Povich will be on MSNBC Saturday mornings for awhile...

Lewis Black makes me laugh...

I don't watch the Daily Show often enough. He was on Imus this morning. His angst tickles me.

And you think I'm stupid...

Last week I told you, in light of this bird flu thing, to unload your KFC stock. A couple of days later I told you of KFC closing stores in Vietnam in order to convert them to selling Kentucy Fried Fish. Well, it turns out Vietnamese farmers are dumping more than 100 tons of chicken (a "bird") excrement each day into Tri An lake (the home of a lot of "fish"), whose waters flow into Dong Nai river (the home of even more "fish") and run through the country's biggest city. Somewhere along the Dong Nai someone's wormin' up some hooks to cash in on KFC's switch to fish.

In a related story, Pizza Hut officials have announced that a long time favorite of Ho Chi Minh City suburbanites, deep dish birdshit pizza, is being phased out in response to requests from health officials.

2005-11-08T11:46:00.000-05:00

Meanwhile, over at your White House...

We got two action items for you...

First, let's add one more investigation to a long list of existing investigations. Now the GOP wants to invistigate the leak of information regarding the "black' prisons the CIA maintains around the world. Seems this leak has caused a serions breach in security (and caused Dubya to deny prisoners are being tortured--despite the existance of photographic evidence to the contrary).

And, oh boy FEMA.

It seems since late September, the Federal Emergency Management Agency has awarded Titan a $450,000 contract for a mobile emergency response vehicle and a $107,058 contract for emergency housing work, according to government records and interviews.

Titan is a defendant in two federal lawsuits that allege the company acted negligently in its hiring and supervision of a translator suspected of abusing Abu Ghraib prisoners The firm separately paid fines totaling $28,500 in March to settle criminal and civil charges that it was involved in a bribery scheme to benefit the president of the West African nation of Benin.

Additionally, a federal inspector general report last December concluded that taxpayers overpaid for a $229 million Titan military contract because the firm subcontracted "substantially all of the work."

2005-11-07T10:31:00.000-05:00

Things can't get a whole lot worse...

The polls are really doing a number on the Bush/Cheney presidency. If "Scooter" Libby starts singin' to the Grand Jury it's gonna be John Dean and Nixon all over again. Where have all the flowers gone?

Sell your KFC stock...

Hard times they is a comin'. KFC has already had to close some of it's outlets in the far East while they convert from chicken to fish! Kentucky Fried Fish just doesn't sound right but if they do the fish like Rocky Blier's folks used to prepare the perch in Appleton, Wisconsin back in the 50's and 60's you're gonna love it!

I don't know...

I'm not so sure about this bird flu stuff. A whole bunch of chickens have been sacrificed...but not a whole lot of people have died. But I guess if it's gonna happen, with all those Canadian geese opting to spend their Winter vacation in Florida I better take it seriously...either that, or buy a lot of ammunition for my friends in Kentucky.

Bet you think this is from Burp, Belch, and Spit!

Well, it's not. It's from My High(er) Horse. You can go there and see the construction of this 30,000 calorie, $50 sandwich. I just hope Burger King doesn't see this.

2005-11-06T15:45:00.000-05:00

2005-11-04T20:38:00.000-05:00

If you don't have anything better to do, why not mozie on over to Burp, Belch, and Spit! The recipes there are a whole lot more tasty than the name of the Blog implies. The link is in my first blogroll on the right. Enjoy!

2005-11-04T09:41:00.000-05:00

Mike Brown, former FEMA head, is a complete asshole!

If you had any doubts about Brown (pictured on the left), go read this article at CNN.com.
It will make you ill. This was your paid representative on the ground directing FEMA relief efforts. I wonder how a person so obviously and completely incompetent can find employment in a $140,000/year government job on which so many people...and so many people's lives depend. (I realize that was not the best sentence I've ever constructed, but you get the idea.)

That "restless leg syndrome" bullshit from yesterday got me to thinkin'...

...if there are enough people out there who pay good money for something as insignificant as "resless leg syndrome," maybe I can come up with a more universal remedy that can net me some bucks.

I worked all day yesterday on some ideas, and even got in touch with the Easton bat people, and I'm ready to announce...

NostraBatAss! "the universal cure"

I ran some field trials over at the Sunova Beach Dementia Clinic last night and this thing works real good at providing temporary relief from "restless leg syndrome." It also works well in combating (no pun intended) the dreaded "itchy nose syndrome." It'll instantly knock out a migraine headache with one swing. And I think if inserted correctly, and with enough force, NostraBatAss may provide a permanent cure for hemorroids! No shit!

Well, if you'll buy NostraBatAss maybe you'll also be interested in...

I've got a matched 10-piece set of left-handed screwdrivers for sale. The set includes two (2) very rare left-handed phillips screwdrivers.

About Firefox (the browser)

When it works, it's the best. When it's not working properly it's a real pain in the ass. On the old computer I downloaded one (or more) Firefox extentions that made it real brittle--causing my laptop to constantly crash. Yesterday I made the mistake of downloading some updates to extensions I had already installed. The updates came to me automatically, I didn'task for them, I was given the opportunity to install them or not...and now Foxfire is a useless piece of crap. The screen doesnt load properly, Bookmarks doesn't work, and I can't get the Tool menu to drop down so I can delete some extensions. And completely (I think) deleting the Firefox software and replacing it with a new download doesn't work.

And finally, a real sad note...

Aaron Brown is out at CNN. That's bad enough, he was one of the few quality journalists remaining at CNN. But to make things worse, much of his time is being given to Anderson Cooper, who is little more than a media whore/drama queen.

I'll miss Aaron...if MSNBC had any brains it would hire him and give him Tucker Carlson's time...or better yet--Rita Crosby's time! Yea...replace the sweathog!

The next time I complain about Google being so slow...

Think about this Boeing 767 that the founders of Google bought and are fixing up as their corporate jet. Sez so at the Wall Street Journal. Only cost $13,000 per hour to fly. Delta Airlines has over a hundred of these babies...problably one reason they're in bankruptcy.

Oh well...

2005-11-03T11:31:00.000-05:00

Star Jones Update...

The National Enquirer has the scoop on our girl Star. Turns out she's a bigger prima donna than we originally thought.

This is a new one on me...

I don't think I've ever told you...I'm a below knee amputee. Last nightI was amazed to see an ad for "restless leg syndrome." What the hell is that all about? Restless leg syndrome? When I had two legs it used to feel good to rub them together. Now, ever once in a while I get a phantom pain in my left leg, and while they don't normally feel good, I don't think I'll be haulin' my ass to the doctor asking for some medication for my "restless" leg. Check out the list of medications that can be used to "treat" RLS:

Medications used to treat restless leg syndrome include carbidopa- levodopa, opioids (such as propoxyphene) or tramadol (Ultram) for intermittent symptoms, carbamazepine, clonazepam, diazepam, triazolam, temazepam, baclofen, bromocriptine and clonidine. Also, recently, gabapentin (Neurontin) has been found helpful. The FDA has now approved ropinirole (Requip) for the treatment of restless leg syndrome. Other treatments that have been helpful for some patients include avoiding caffeine, warm/cold baths, electric nerve stimulation, oral magnesium, and acupuncture.

What a load of crap! What's next? Irritable bowel syndrome? Oh...they've already got that one.

2005-11-01T09:52:00.000-05:00

I found this over at Sportalicious, it explains a lot

HANGOVER OF THE WEEK: HARRIET MIERS WITHDRAWS, STEROIDS RUMORED

President Bush's Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers withdrew from consideration for the high court this past week, citing a desire to avoid adding more conflict and scrutiny to a White House that's currently experiencing everything except an anal probe. But Sportalicious! reporters disguised as FEMA administrators report from inside the Bush White House that Miers may have quit because of rumored links to BALCO frontman Victor Conte. Over the past three years Miers has added 20 pounds of bulk, increased her hat size by 3/8ths of an inch and from nowhere won her law firm's annual slam dunk competition. On a recent trip to San Francisco for the American Bar Association's seventh annual "Tort Lawlapalooza," she was spotted at the batting cages with Barry Bonds, though that may have been coincidence, as they arrived in separate Hummers. Anonymous sources say that Miers, always a huge fan of "Masterpiece Theatre," recently stated on her Supreme Court applique that her favorite television show was "American Choppers."
Oh boy Toyota...

Up until this point Toyota has been known for making a hellova car. I think their Lexus line sets the standard. But I'm not sure about their next move...to bring the French built Yaris to the U.S. next spring. It looks like a pirce of crap to me. And one thing you can say about me--I know my crap.

2005-10-30T11:13:00.000-05:00

There's a whole lot of yummy goodness over at the Spitter!

Check it out...

2005-10-29T11:12:00.000-04:00

There's alot to be said about living on a beach...

It's like living out a dream.

But there's a whole lot to be said...

...about a clear Fall day...with the sounds of a distant high school football game, the taste of a perfectly grilled bratwurst, a frosty Hieleman's Special Export beer in hand, and the smell of burning leaves in the air.

2005-10-28T09:46:00.000-04:00

Here's a great read on the worst week of the Bush Presidency.

Google's photos.blogger.com really sucks today...it's impossible to upload images at the moment. And I had a wonderful photo of Star Jones and husband. He spent 12-hours in the slam after being arrensted for driving with a suspended license.

Wilma lives...

Wilma must've really kicked some ass down in South Florida. Many remain without power (including HogOnIce who lives in the holy city of Coral Gables). The cable news faces continue to show very long lines at the gas stations who have found the power to pump gas. I don't know the size of a generator needed to get a gas station running, but those companies who are currently posting record profits for the past quarter, should be required to throw a functioning generator on top (so it wouldn't flood out) of their gas stations that are located in areas prone to being hit by hurricanes. Don't tell me that isn't the smartest original thought you've ever read on this blog. That's kinda like...genius!

photos.blogger.com is now taking two minutes to "upload" an image only to tell me perfectly good images have errors in them...

So I'll try ImageVenue.com instead...

That's Star Jones on the right, and her much taller husband on the left. (Notice who's doing all the talking...)

Some of the boys from the Sunova Beach Dementia Clinic and I are going to play some Texas Holdem Poker this afternoon. Should be interesting. This will be the first time I've played Holdem in a real-life situation--I've won a couple of 800-person tournaments at Bugsy'sClub.com.

I had a Burger King Chicken Sandwich last night...

It was putrid! An over cooked tasteless piece of cardboard, a little lettuce, a little mayo, and a dry tasteless bun. Twenty years ago this used to be a great eat. No more...

2005-10-27T10:55:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhh...a day filled with joy and happiness...

First we got the Exxon-Mobile announcing record profits for the quarter ending Sept. 31. More than 9 Billion dollars. Fortunately my chair runs on batteries or I'd be lookin' to blow myself up an Exxon station. With record prices at the pumps it's really a crime that these clowns are allowed to profit like this.

Harriet Miers withdraws from Supreme Court nomination...

Fans of the Adams Family saddened...
...by the withdrawl of Lurch's only known off spring. What really bothers me about Mier's nomination is what an unspectacular legal background she has. As you know, she's never been a judge. More of Bush's arrogance...trying to run this woman into the Supreme Court. I shudder at the fact that she's counsel to the most powerful man in the world.

Finally there's our old friend Mike Brown...

You thought he was gone when he resigned as head of FEMA. Guess again. He became a consultant which was initially reported to be for two weeks. Guess again... He's been re-appointed for another 30-day period as a consultant. As Rep. Gene Taylor, D-Miss, said, "I've got tens of thousands of people living in two-man igloo tents tonight... And at the same time they can find $140,000 a year to pay this incompetent son of a gun; that's ridiculous." Brown's initial appointment as a consultant was my last straw with the Bush administration. What arrogance! This re-appointment is just rubbing salt in an open wound. Bush should be ashamed of himself.

2005-10-26T10:33:00.000-04:00

It looks like the stress of Cindy Sheehan's campaign against George Bush and the war in Iraq has taken it's toll on her.

You gotta do this...

You could search for your own license, but hell, you look at that everyday.
Try a search for your best friend, or worst enemy...you only need to know name, city, and state.

Enjoy...

Oh my...

Shepard Smith (right) and Anderson Cooper have been "outed" by the Houston Voice. I found this picture of "Shep" over at the Gay Patriot where there's a vote for the Storm Stud. One comment about Anderson tickled me: "Anderson’s not even a weather guy. Yes, he’s probably the hottest guy doing news today, even if he’s not quite as masculine as Rita Cosby."

Speaking of Rita...

Rita would've made a good "sweat hog," to John Travolta's Vinnie Barbarino on the old Welcome Back Kotter program. (In this picture, Rita is the blimp on the right, not the blimp in the background.)

Ok, guess where this picture was taken...

a. Hawaii
b. Sunova Beach
c. New York

According to the Associated Press it was taken at a beach in New York. Blame Wilma.

Re: The CIA leak...

This mess has grown to be Bush's Watergate. Watch for Karl Rove,the brains behind Bush, to be slapped with a "cover-up" charge. That was the charge that brought down Nixon, wasn't it? Hmmmmmmmmm.

I'm gonna be royally pissed off if...

The military has blocked all hotmail, yahoo, aol, and gmail e-mail access for Navy and Marine personnel overseas. If they extend this to Army folks I'm gonna be pissed. In a couple of weeks my son is heading to Germany for two years.

Update:My son just handed me his new .mil address a few hours ago and either he's stupid and doesn't know his address (a possibility), or it's blocked.

2005-10-25T12:10:00.000-04:00

Today's post is a category 2

I'm sick and tired...

of the media whores attempting to make themselves the story--like dumbass Al Roker getting knocked on his ass by Wilma's winds. Obviously this stunt worked out the way he wanted it...otherwise he would've been standing with the support of the railing in the background and wouldn't have gone ass over tea kettle. CNN and the NBC's were the worst offenders...though the Weather Channel had a few clowns standing out in the weather.

As hard as they tried they couldn't make things bad for Sunova Beach. We had a little rain, a little wind...and hardly any damage.

God, is Blogger slow today...

Obviously I'm getting what I pay for. (It took over 20-minutes to load Blogger.)

In case you missed it, BP announced a 34% increase in net profits for the 3-months ending Sepember 31st. That's 6.53 billion dollars, folks. That's 3-months, folks. Just wait for Exxon-Mobil's report.

Could things be worse for the Bush White House?

What's he done lately that he's NOT being attacked for? I can't think of anything.

There's even a 30-second TV ad is set to air tomorrow, Wednesday, that some believe may be as effective at helping stop the Harriett Miers confirmation as the Swift Boat ads were in helping stop John Kerry.

BetterJustice.org, a conservative grass-roots organization, created and funded the hard-hitting anti-Miers (but pro-Bush) ad. The organization's board of directors includes several otherwise staunch Republican stalwarts, such as David Frum and Linda Chavez.

"Miers is no more qualified to sit on the Supreme Court than I am to be a sumo wrestler!" So stated the so very un-sumo-like Ann "Toothpick" Coulter.

The Fat Police make key arrest...

Tonight. 10:00. ABC on your TV dial.

2005-10-24T11:34:00.000-04:00

Way to go Jeb...

I woke up this morning to the comforting voice of Jeb Bush. His state is being invaded by Mother Nature for the 8th (or is it 9th) time in 16 months and he is calm cool and collected. He's giving good information and, unlike his brother, is speaking in complete sentences. Jeb knows how to handle hurricanes.

2005-10-23T11:18:00.000-04:00

One more time...

Looks like we're going to get wet the next few days.

Something you don't expect from Johns Hopkins...

...a road head primer. Or you can go to the source of their research.

2005-10-21T06:34:00.000-04:00

Laura Bush refuses to rehearse any more family conversations

<~~Laura Bush enjoys a smoke while listening to her husband.

Laura Bush has upset the president, say White House insiders, by refusing to rehearse any more conversations among the family.

"If he tells me to follow the script one more time, I'll belt him," the first lady told your humble correspondent.

"I can understand why he might want to script meetings with soldiers, and 'town hall' meetings," Mrs. Bush said, "But why do the girls and I have to do it?"

The first lady stopped attending rehearsals two weeks ago, after what she describes as "the last straw."

"It was dinner time" Mrs. Bush said. "When Georgie walked in, I said 'Welcome home.'"

"He just looked at me. I realized I'd broken the rule -- 'Don't address the president unless he speaks first.'"

"I tried to recover by asking how his day was, but I hadn't submitted the question in advance."

"'Well,' he said, 'Looks like we've got a spunky one here.'"

"I dumped the mashed potatoes on his pointy little head."

The White House denied family members are asked to rehearse conversations. In an unusual move, a Bush daughter spoke for the White House.

"Jenna (with feeling): 'Our father would never ask us to rehearse conversations,'" said Jenna Bush.

2005-10-18T18:55:00.000-04:00

Wilma's a real bitch!

She jumped up to a category 5 hurricane overnight. Strongest hurricane on record they say. Well, strongest hurricane since they stopped using blimps as hurricane hunters.

What's With This Bird Flu Stuff??

Many experts are now saying that a deadly avian flu pandemic is inevitable, although most government agencies are not expected to care until several days after whenever that is. In a related story you'll note the recent fall of KFC stock while prices for a 12-piece bucket of KCF original chicken has skyrocketed.

#1 Worst Halloween Costume Ever...
Over at The Nose On Your Face they've named Sudsy the Alcoholic, Herpes-riddled Moose the worst ever...

I missed Boston Legal last night...

...fell asleep early, damnit. But that allowed me to be wide awake at 4:00 a.m. (damnit)...just in time to hear a stupid ABC overnight news anchor say: "it's cranberry season in Wisconsin where they produce most of the cranberries in America" and she completed the sentence by saying: "where they produce 50 percent of the cranberries in the U.S." Since when is 50% the most? Last I heard 50% was about half...not most. 51% would've been most. Another case of an unscripted moron trying to sound like there's a brain in her head. Kept me wide awake until 6:00. Damnit.

2005-10-18T18:14:00.000-04:00

Paris Holton Defends Vikings

Television celebrity and supermodel Paris Hilton came to the defense of the beleaguered Minnesota Vikings this week as criticism rained down on the NFL team for its purported sex cruise on Lake Minnetonka. "I know what it's like being unjustly accused of sexual misconduct even though there's actual footage of me engaged in the lewd acts for which I was unjustly accused," said Hilton via satellite from the passenger seat of a Maserati belonging to some guy she'd just met. Hilton is having sex in seclusion after her recent breakup with Greek billionaire Paris Kasidokostas over an inability to hammer out a porn distribution deal. The Vikings are thrilled to have someone finally come to their defense. "We were doing absolutely nothing wrong, it's a media smear campaign," said a Viking player who was taking a short break from having sex with a female bass fishing guide on Lake Mille Lacs. "It's courageous of Paris to step forward and help us out. Do you have her number, incidentally? Give me her number. I'll crush your skull unless you give me her number." Only moments ago Hilton was given a position with the Vikings as Director of Player Satisfaction.

(I couldn't help myself, I stole this whole thing from Sportalicious

2005-10-18T12:04:00.000-04:00

Helloooooo Wilma...

Florida's been lucky so far...but it looks like our luck is about to run out. The local weather faces are saying we're going to have a lot of rain with low winds, or we're going to have a lot of rain with high winds. Time to stock up the larder.

And in this corner...
Weighing in at 101 pounds dripping wet...is Danica Patrick. The IRL is taking a page out of the HASCAR handbook. It's been reported that Danica punched out Jackass Lazier in the rescue vehicle after Jackass slid up the track and crashed Danica. Danica works for Rahal-Letterman (that's Letterman as in "David".

You go girl!

Kenney 0 Drowning persons 2
Ol' Lardass was walking his dog and spotted 6 fisherman who were trapped in a jetty by rising tides. Teddy jumped in but couldn't reach the men. Lardass then called 911 (this time) and the men were rescued. Unfortunately, the sunami caused by Kennedy's plunge into the jetty is threatening a centry-old wooden damn in Tauton, Mass.

2005-10-17T19:10:00.000-04:00

Hey Jen, is there any word on when GI Chris is coming home...don't tell me he's already been...I'll write him out of the will!

2005-10-17T15:38:00.000-04:00

I love Monty Python

Here's the script to "Dead Parrot."

ANIMATION: including dancing Botticelli Venus, which links to pet shop: Mr. Praline walks into the shop carrying a dead parrot in a cage. He walks to counter where shopkeeper tries to hide below cash register.
Praline Hello, I wish to register a complaint...Hello? Miss?
Shopkeeper What do you mean, miss?
Praline Oh I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
Shopkeeper Sorry, we're closing for lunch.
Praline Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
Shopkeeper Oh yes, the, the Norwegian Blue. What's wrong with it?
Praline I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. It's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
Shopkeeper No, no, it's resting, look!
Praline Look my lad, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
Shopkeeper No no sir. it's not dead. It's resting!
Praline Resting?
Shopkeeper Yeah, remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, beautiful plumage, innit?
Praline The plumage don't enter into it - it's stone dead.
Shopkeeper No, no - it's just resting!
Praline All right then, if it's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouts into cage) Hello Polly! I've got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!
Shopkeeper (jogging the cage) There, it moved!
Praline No, he didn't. That was you pushing the cage!
Shopkeeper I did not.
Praline Yes, you did! (takes parrot out of cage, shouts) Hello Polly, Polly (bangs it against the counter) Polly Parrot, wake up. Polly. (throws it in the air and lets it fall to the floor) Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
Shopkeeper No, no. It's stunned.
Praline Look my lad, I've had just about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased. And when I bought it not half an hour ago, you assured me that its lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk.
Shopkeeper It's probably pining for the fjords.
Praline Pining for the fjords, what kind of talk is that? Look, why did it fall flat on its back the moment I got it home?
Shopkeeper The Norwegian Blue prefers kipping on it's back! Beautiful bird, lovely plumage!
Praline Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there.
Shopkeeper Well of course it was nailed there. Otherwise it would muscle up to those bars and voom.
Praline Look matey (picks up the parrot) this parrot wouldn't voom if you put four thousand volts through it! It's bleedin' demised!
Shopkeeper It's not, it's pining!
Praline It's not pining, it's passed on. This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible. This is an ex-parrot.
Shopkeeper Well, I'd better replace it, then.
Praline (to camera) If you want to get anything done in this country you've got to complain till you're blue in the mouth.
Shopkeeper Sorry guv, we're right out of parrots.
Praline I see. I see. I get the picture.
Shopkeeper (pause) I got a slug.
Praline Does it talk?
Shopkeeper Not really, no.
Praline Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then is it?
Shopkeeper Listen, I'll tell you what, (handing over a card) tell you what, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton he'll replace your parrot for you.
Praline Bolton eh?
Shopkeeper Yeah.
Praline All right.
He leaves, holding the parrot.

2005-10-17T10:38:00.000-04:00

Paddle, paddle, paddle your canoe...

...gently up the two inches of water! I had just started to fall in love with Michelle Kosinski on NBC. Hottest thing to come along in years. She could probably go far on her looks alone, but for some reason she decided she needed to be reporting a hot story. So she jacked herself up a nice canoe and launched it into the dreaded 2-inches of water. She would've gotten away with it too..except for the two clowns that decided to cross her path.

Ruining her Today Show bit.

Looks like Blogger can't make up it's mind about posting images today.

Hey!

Got some good stuff over at the Spitter today. Lemon Crumb Bars today, and Watergate Salad yesterday. Enjoy...

Here's my nominee for the new James Bond. Anthony Bourdain...host of No Reservations, the only tv food show that comes with an adult content warning. Check it out tonight at 10:00 Eastern on the Travel Channel

2005-10-15T07:51:00.000-04:00

There's a treat over at the Spitter...

Actually there are two treats...recipes for broccoli-cheese soup and for Red Lobster's Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

Just in time for Fall.

On Wisconsin...On Wisconsin...Beat the crap out of Minnesota later this afternoon! (Did I ever tell you I went to the UofWis?)..(well I kinda went to Madison for a semester)...I had a little trouble finding the classes)...(well, you better make that a lot of trouble finding the classes)...(better make that I didn't attend any classes)...(that may have had something to do with the Army's interest in drafting me back in 1964).

Did I ever tell you I lettered in golf at the University of Wisconsin?

I did (letter in golf).

I was glued to Bravo earlier this week as they ran the entire 6th season of The West Wing. I had trouble getting into the individual shows, but I really enjoyed the 6th season marathon.

I'm also still watching the re-re-re-runs of Sienfeld.

And I'm chasing Becker around the dial.

Oh...I got a new Ipod mini. Is there an Ipod for Dummies book out there?

The Pentagon is now saying...

...that Thursday's teleconference with Dubya and some troops in Iraq wasn't scripted. Bullshit. I saw a piece where one troop was told where to pause in his statement. Hell, I used to teach speach, and one of the easy tricks to employ for emphasis is the "dramatic" pause. It's getting to the point that you can't believe anything that comes out of Washington. It's not even shades of gray kind of stuff...it's the truth and what WAshington sez are often as different as black and white. The rat-bastards. I'd be willing to bet Dubya's answers were the ones that were scripted--he's the one that needs the help (and why the Pentagon is denying the "scripted" charge).

2005-10-14T10:05:00.000-04:00

His name is Bond...James Bond

No shit Sherlock. Some guy namd Daniel Craig is the new James Bond. A blond Bond. It just doesn't seem right to me.

Call me old fashioned but...

alt="" />James Bond died when Sean Connery went off the payroll.

There's a nice Mexican Casserole over at the Spitter today... Enjoy!

2005-10-13T12:30:00.000-04:00

I went to Hooters yesterday...

Okay, I'll admit it...15 years ago I used ot go for the view. When I was traveling Hooters was one of the restaurants I'd go out of my way to visit. Then I started talking to some of the waitresses and found out they were either the same age as my daughter (shame on me), incredibly stupid, or extremely unhappy. They're an extremely competitive bunch, fightin' for the big tippers all the time. Now I go for the food. In my prime I used to be able to down 50 wings. I'm not gonna tell you my pathetic total yesterday.

There's a real nice antipasto platter over at the Spitter today. Check it out.

How 'bout them Vikings?

Dante Culpepper is a local boy. Graduated from the University of Central Florida. The all-Americal kid. Well he's been with the Vikings a few years now and, up until this year, has been just this side of sensational. This year he sucks. The whole team sucks. 1-3 so far. And now the big sex scandal. 17 players (not sure if Dante was one of them) on two party boats. Sexin' it up with the local (assumed not their wives) talent. Some cruise. The Vikings are trying to get the State to cough up half a zillion dollars for a new stadium...chances are the cruise tubed that idea. Dumb rat-bastards.

2005-10-12T13:50:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you...

...but I seldom laugh out loud when I'm by myself. Last night's Boston Legal was laugh out loud funny. When Shatner shot that fish I thought I'd split.

A little later I watched the Adam Carola Project on TLC. That was surprisingly entertaining.

2005-10-11T10:51:00.000-04:00

Enjoy the view...

Heaven help us...

Some Dimocrats are talking up a Gore in '08 campaign. Can you believe it? Bush may have fallen in disfavor with many (including me) but Gore? He's about as dumb a public figure as I've ever seen. Read about it here

You'll note that same article spoke of Condi Rice's chances against Hillary Clinton. I'm votin' for Jeb Bartlett.

2005-10-10T12:04:00.000-04:00

I took a trip today...

...because I had to. My first "think tank" meeting. I don't think it's going to be what I thought it was going to be. First of all, we met at an IHOP. and my fellow "think tankers" included a repo man and a stripper. The meeting lasted longer than it needed to when the motion to adjourn failed to get a second. But I got to go about 3 miles on my new chair.

2005-10-09T13:14:00.000-04:00

Hey, I've been invied to join a think tank...

Ya, kinda neat, huh? It's associated with the Political Science department at Big Bull Falls University which is about 2 miles down A1A from my house.
This is my house (on the left) by the way...nice beach, huh?

I've thought the penny was worthless for some time. This cinches it!

2005-10-08T20:50:00.000-04:00

Say hello to Truckzilla

A highschool classmate of mine is married to a muckity-muck at Oshkosh Trucks. This is one version of an unmanned vehicle they're working on for the military.

This is TerraMax that is actually competing in the grand challenge.

2005-10-08T10:34:00.000-04:00

Where's Mr. Goodwrench?

I think I've got a problem with the new wheels. It won't take a full charge. Been plugged into the charger for at least 18 hours for the past three nights, and I have yet to see a full charge. What charge is there bleeds off quite rapidly as well. I think I'll wait until I can get it checked out before venturing out into the big bad world.

Damn!

Google is taking over my life...

...and I'm afraid that's not a good thing. Google is slow. Blogger is getting slower and slower--and this morning it is totally unpredictable. You press publish and you have no idea what's going to pop up. Today's attempt at the Spitter got a whole long attachment to my post. Google's photos.blogger absolutely sucks because it's slow and unpredictable. In the last few days Gmail has turned against me...I've got two accounts that I use, and until two days ago had no trouble navigating between the two. Now I can only get to the one account--and even when I log out of that account and provide the ID and password to the second account--you guessed it, back to the original account.

UPDATE: The pretty blonde in the blue teddy (above) was initally posted at My Next Ex-Wife...and somehow found it's way over here.

MORE CRAP: I can navigate between the Gmail accounts with Internet Explorer but not with FireFox which I prefer to use.

Be sure and watch Formula 1 on Speed TV this weekend. Half the qualifiers had to run in the rain last night and it was absolutely amazing to see them rocketing around the wet track. Best drivers in the most technically advanced racecars in the world.

2005-10-07T09:12:00.000-04:00

Floating houses! Why the hell didn't we think of this. Nawlins needs floating houses. Lots of floating houses. I think Nash Bridges would live in a floating house.
There's a Popeye's Fried Chicken recipe over at the Spitter this morning. Try it, you'll like it.

More rain today

I don't know when I'm gonna get to blow the carbon out of my new wheelchair.

I've been getting a lot of calls...

...asking me just where is Sunova Beach. Here we be--just North of Cape Canaveral. Right on the beach. If you're coming for a visit, my house is located two doors South of the Sunova Beach Dementia Clinic. Bring beer.

2005-10-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

There's a nice Bacardi Chicken recipe over at the Spitter. To go there...click here.

Life rolls on...

The new wheelchair is waaaaay cool. I'm itchin' to go places, but Tammy has us set for a day of rain. But I can sure haul ass down the hallway. I throw fear into the hearts of my fellow residents.

How 'bout them Bucs?

4-0 is how they are. Nice. My other fav, the Packers, are at the other end of the spectrum. I'm wearing a Packers polo shirt today in hopes of pumping some life into the team.

This is a picture of my neighbor, Chief Thunderthing's, pet parakeet. It's a nasty, foulmouthed creature. And it shits a lot. I guess living this close to a nuclear power plant has it's drawbacks.

I also got this "candid" photo of Thunderthing during last weekend's luau.

2005-10-05T14:46:00.000-04:00

Hooray beer!

Finally! It'll be delivered at 4:00 this afternoon. It's raining so I won't be able to wheel to Disney. Pretty damn neat, huh? The terror of Sunova Beach!

2005-10-04T13:45:00.000-04:00

Holy crap, Batman...

Solid proof that there is a God, and that he has a twisted sense of humor. Sharon Stone (yes, that Sharon Stone) is dating Craig Ferguson (yes, that Craig Ferguson [of the Late, Late Show]). I guess the NFL would call that "indisputable" evidence that opposites attract.

<~~~one lucky rat-bastard.

Don't forget...tonight...9:00...ABC.

2005-10-04T12:54:00.000-04:00

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Go ahead, click it!

2005-10-04T09:55:00.000-04:00

Here we go again....

I don't know of anyone who considers Dubya an intellectual giant...well, one of the consequences of his victory in 2004 was for us to grant him the right to spread his own version of mediocracy throughout the land. Yesterday he got to recommend his White House counsel, Harriet Miers (pictured on a night out in D.C.), as our next Supreme court justice. Ya know, we're probably lucky that Dubya didn't try to give Mike Brown that lifetime appointment.

Hey...

The replacement computer is a hummer. I spent most of yesterday loading it up with spam.
Hell, I even bought some honest to goodness software! Modem Booster which promised "up to a 300% increase" in modem speed. I guess the 9% increase it says it got me is covered by that promise. Frankly, I guess I'm lucky it didn't slow the modem down.

I also bought Internet Download Manager 4.07 which works well with Firefox and really humps.

2005-10-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

A big shoutout to Hewlett Packard

Wow! FedEx picked up my "old" new computer around 5:00 p.m. Friday. They tested it, and sent a replacement that arrived around 9:30 this morning. Absolutely amazing! I'm using it as I type. Way cool!

2005-10-02T14:50:00.000-04:00

Congratulations!

You just bought a $500,000 paint job for this Alaskan Airlines 737. Read about it here.

2005-10-02T14:29:00.000-04:00

Pheasant under Duct Tape
1. Shoot a pheasant, or hit it with your car
2. hang it for a couple of days until it is ripe
3. Wrap the bird completely in several layers of duct tape
4. bake at 350 for 1/2 hour per pound.
5. cut off its head and feet, remove entrails. Actually you should have done this before baking.
6. When done, slice duct tape along the back of bird.
7 Peel the duct tape away from the bird, pulling all the feathers with it. Lay the peeled duct tape flat to form a festive serving platter.

Voila! Bird is moist, and no dishes to do.

2005-09-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

Ahhhhhh...

When I was in college two things remained pretty constant; 1.) universally bad grades and, 2.) I would bathe in Agua Lavanda Puig cologne. Man did I smell good. I lost track of ALP while in the service and it actually took me 30 more years before I discovered it again. Well, I've re-re-discovered it...just ordered some online. Ahhh...the memories. The stuff really worked for me.

2005-09-28T12:30:00.000-04:00

Oh well...

I got some very good action from the Hewlett Packard support folks and they're having FedEx come by tomorrow afternoon to pick up my "new" computer. Did I tell you the Touchpad quit working? Well it did. The curser would hang up in the middle of the page.

and I've found out Blogger really doesn't work well with Internet Explorer..a

2005-09-27T10:39:00.000-04:00

The Bush administration has forced us to overlook a lot...

But I think I've just about had it with "them." This is a picture of Mike Brown. You may recall Mr. Brown recently quit as head of FEMA. At that time his credentials were called into question and quite frankly some of his past employment claims were flat out lies. He was also a complete failure as head of FEMA.

COMPLETE FAILURE!

You'll be happy to learn Mr. Brown has been hired as a consultant to FEMA. Whoever approved this should be fired! Immediately! I don't care if the term of employment is only a month or two. This TOTALLY pisses me off. I guess George Bush has gotten away with so much in the past he figures he can get away with this too. I've got news for him...he just lost me. Damn this pisses me off. I'll continue to support my country...I'll continue to support our troops in Iraq...but it's time to call a moron a moron.

Mr. Bush, listen close...you're a moron.

Boston Legal + Heather Locklear...

TV viewing doesn't get any better than this... Individually I couldn't stand James Spader or William Shatner, but on Boston Legal they are fantastic. Worthy of the Emmies they were just awarded. Individuallly they're both dunces. Whoever cast them on this program really took some chances--and those chances really paid off. I know where I'll be at 9:00 pm (EDT) this evening. The writing on this show is pretty damn good too...

It isn't often that I agree with anything the LA Times writes...

...but I totally agree with this.

2005-09-26T17:09:00.000-04:00

Winkin', Blinkin', and JabberJaws...

You know it had to happen...that these three would eventually team up. That's "big" Al "greaseball" Sharpton, Cindy Sheehan, and The Reverund Jessie "please make that donation in cash" Jackson. Cindy got her ass arrested outside the White House while continuing to blame Dubya for her son's death in Iraq--

so what

if her kid was doing what he wanted to do (killin' Iraqis)when he got killed.

Cindy's kinda hard to make out in that picture...

Here's a close-up...(honest).

2005-09-26T10:54:00.000-04:00

Good Monday Morning boys and girls...

Another weekend down the tubes. I'm ready for a nice week...and it would be really nice if my damned wheelchair got here.

Ya know, the world would be better off without some people...
Guess who would be near the top of my list. Yup, good ol' Babs. Her ego has become as large as her snout. Check out her "expert" opinion on global warming. I think her effect on global warming is close to that of all the farting termites. Keep your yap shut Barbara.

Some sad news...

I'm quite sure the touchpad on my new computer has given up the ghost. Happened last night. I reinstalled the driver, so I know it's not a software problem. But the curser is hung up in the middle of the page... Damn! Without the ability to move the curser I can't get to the diagnostic software to really figure things out. News at 11:00.

Haul on over to the Spitter and see what's on the menu for today. Enjoy...

2005-09-25T11:27:00.000-04:00

Two pieces of the puzzle are in place...

NAPA is going with Michael Waltrip to Bill Davis Racing next year. No word yet if the number 15 will follow. Hot rumor is that sometime in the very near future Bill Davis Racing will be pushin' Toyotas around NASCAR. Rice rockets against Detroit iron.

There's a good lobster bisque recipe over at "The Spitter" today.

2005-09-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

Hey, I've got some new stuff for ya...

Click here to get the new recipes...

2005-09-24T10:18:00.000-04:00

I'm sick and tired of the glory hounds reporting on hurricane Rita

I think they're dissapointed that Rita hasn't caused more damage. In the middle of the night they were left to standing, like dumb monkeys, out in the wind and rain. About 4:00 a.m. once clown on MSNBC was left to hold a 3-foot long branch as the only evidence of Rita's distruction. A spindly little 3-foot branch. In the middle of the night we were treated to the excitement of Anderson Cooper jabbering like a monkey on CNN.

Big deal!

As further evidence of the probable end of mankind...

Geraldo Rivera is getting his own 30-minute show, "Geraldo at Large." It will be replacing "Current Affair." Speaking of a glory hound...

And I shouldn't really comment on things related to the English language. English was my worst subject throughout my educational "career." I can't spell for crap, and I've never constructed a sentence that couldn't use a few (too many) commas. To me, a good paragraph is a single sentence broken up by a bunch of well placed commas.

But...

The cable monkeys, with the help of various local, state, and federal agencies are inventing a new language--hurricane speak. While describing what was happening to the Nawlin's levees it was said they had "overtopped." They had overtopped near areas that had been "unwatered." (Dictionary.com doesn't recognize unwatered as being a word. "Un-watered" ain't one either.) But the new flooding caused by the overtopping of the levees in the areas that were previously unwatered wasn't that bad--because the areas had been "depopulated."

Why don't they just use English?

I'd like to depopulate the rat-bastards...

I stole this from The Grouchy Old Cripple. You've got to go and read him today...expecially the post about the U.S. selling Lousiana back to the French.

2005-09-22T17:38:00.000-04:00

Holy crap Batman...

Ya know, I often use the Drudge Report as a source of inspiration. Go check it out..but make sure all of you firearms are safely under lock and key.First of all there's RitaKatrina to worry about. Looks like Nawlins is gonna get wet, and Houston might get blown off the map. Then there's the 4.9 earthquakes in L.A.. Chicago has a superbug killin' kids (3 so far). Cowardly Mexicans in Texas are swimmin' back across the Rio Grande to avoid Rita. We got plague-infected mice runnin' free in New Jersey.And I've got to tell ya, I had one of my famous sausage, pepperoni, mushroom and fresh garlic pizzas and I've got myself a case of indigestion that's rated about a 7.8 on the Maalox scale...

The world is going to hell in a handbasket...

2005-09-21T10:00:00.001-04:00

Uh oh...

Who in the hell invited Rita to the Katrina party? Looks like Texas is going to take the full hit, but there's probably going to be some Rita goodness left over for Nawlins. Somebody call the little Dutch boy to plug those levees. All this raises the question of how we're going to pay for all of the damage from two major hurricanes?

From the "Truth is stranger than fiction" files

I can't make this up...honest. Seems those rocket scientists at FEMA ordered a bunch of trucks (maybe as many as 200) filled with ice to the Gulf coast region. The ice wasn't being used...so they sent the friggin' trucks to Maine! Read about it here.

Meanwhile Senator Teddy Kennedy...

...beefs up his effort to drain the bars in Nawlins.

2005-09-20T10:12:00.000-04:00

Here we go again...

Here comes Rita! I know she's hundreds of miles away, but it's cloudy and windy here on Sunova Beach. Once she gets into the Gulf she might reach category 3 status and pass west of Nawlins. Duschbag Nagin is getting ready to visit his wife in Dallas. I can just hear him yelling "so long suckers!" as he rolls out of town.

Finally, a Bush to brag about...

Governors in the hurricane states should subscribe to the Jeb Bush textbook on dealing with hurricanes. If you've been watching cable news, he's been up front and top of the whole situation with Rita. The Keys have been evacuated..even the special needs folks were airlifted (by the Air National Guard) to hospitals as far North a Sebring. Just shows you what a Governor can do without having to blame the Feds for all those failures that happened in Lousiana. Way to go Jeb!

Even Teddy Kenedy...

...is lending his bulk to aid in Nawlins repairs...

(I think I stole this from the Grouchy Old Cripple)

2005-09-19T09:40:00.000-04:00

Read it and weep

2005-09-18T13:11:00.000-04:00

Heather Locklear in a bikini...

I don't care what you say...it just doesn't get any better than this.

My son says this is great beer...

Yea beer!

This MIG-21 is for sale on ebay...(no shit)

Go hereYou've got 5 days....bidding starts at $225,000.

Guess which bird is the female?